It's a cold and it's a broken

Hallelujah?

Naw.

Not this time.

There's not a hallelujah in a place this cold and broken.

It's more like a cold and broken cry.

I really don't know what it is.

Every time I come home, I lose myself.

I feel hopeless, hidden, unknown, unloved, forgotten, unwanted.

And then I go back to school and everything is alright again.

But really, nothing is alright.

I'm searching.

I've been searching a long long time.

What I'm searching for, I don't know exactly.

Answers, maybe.

Answers to what exactly is making me feel this way.

Answers to who or what is the problem.

Answers to how I can fix it.

God.

Love.

Hope.

Faith.

I'm searching for a lot of things, and I don't know how to find them, and part of me refuses to let anyone help.

and it's complicated.

It's complicated and I'm confused and I just want everything to be alright, and it's not.

Maybe it never will be, I don't know.

Here we are again.

In my parents house.

Sleeping under their roof.

(Sometimes) Eating their food.

Driving their cars.

I hate dependence.

I hate depending on my parents for stuff.

Most of all, I hate owing them.

Everything they do for me, they remind me it's a burden for them and that I will need to pay them back at some point.

I hate being a burden.

Thank God I'm only here for less than a week...