omigosh

Life=Insanity.

not even kidding.

I've been going insane the past few months. school's crazy, i'm freaking out about whether or not i'm actually going to pass my classes with good grades, and i'm trying to get enough hours at work so i have enough money for stuff, while not overworking and not having any time to study.

and i've been doing good. no significantly low points, some points where i was really truly happy. but yesterday, i talked to a friend, and he made me think about things that i've been trying and succeeding to forget. and it hurts. there was a reason i forgot these things. i didn't want to deal with it. but now i have to, and i don't know what to do with myself. i've never been good at dealing with crap like this, i make bad decisions and things just get worse. and i don't know how to talk to people about it, or even who to talk to about it.

also i'm realizing i only blog when life sucks. when things are going ok, theres nothing to write about, cuz life is normal. but when stuff happens and gets me down, i suddenly have this compulsion to complain to the world about how sucky my life is. and its not really that bad, lots of people have it way worse than i do. i guess i do it just to make sure people care. which is weird, cuz i know people care. like, i KNOW they care. but i want people to know i don't have a happy normal life or something. idk why. i hate complaining about stuff, cuz it gets spread everywhere and people talk and its complicated. and yet i blog about it....idk. it doesn't make sense...