feelings of inadaquacy

yesterday at church pastor jonathan was talking about scars. or at least thats the part i remember. he said they won't go away, we take our scars and pain to heaven with us. God gets to see them and to see how amazingly we endured everything. and i was like uh...crap. because he said God will see the emotional scars and know we relied on him to get us through the pain. and know how brave we were. and....i don't do that. i don't just wait for God to take care of me, because usually it feels like he isn't. or he doesn't care. and so i "take care of it" in my own ways, which is rather unhealthy but i never rly thought about it before. but now i'm thinking....i'm not good enough. he won't see the scars he healed. he'll see the scars i put there myself, or tried to take care of myself. and he'll realize i didn't trust him enough. i wasn't strong enough to wait for him. and maybe thats just me...maybe i'm just interpreting it all wrong. but i can't get those thoughts out of my head