i can't

WRITE!
at all.
like, i can write poems.
but they all say the same thing.
and trying to explain any of it in my journal just seems like a waste of paper.
i don't know whats wrong with me.
i can say that a million different ways in a million different poems, but it doesn't take away the nothingness.
the deadness.
i don't understand how i can be fine for part of the day, and not at all the next. it just doesn't make sense to me.
i WANT to be able to write everything thats goin on.
but i can't. its to much to write.
and it doesn't make sense.
i can't explain it to myself or to anyone else.
so i just wait it out.
wait for the death to leave.
and to be free again.
hoping that it will finally last.
it won't.
it never does.
i honestly don't feel anything right now.
just emptiness,
and i want it to leave.
i just want to be happy.
i want to feel something.
anything.
pain
happiness
love
anything
you could shoot me right now.
and i'd be happy, cuz i'd be feeling something.
i just don't know anymore.