i don't understand life.
i should be happy.
i CAN be happy.
i have a million reasons to be happy.
and i could list a thousand reasons off the top of my head for why i should be happy.
BUT i'm not.
i can give a few reasons for being upset.
but none for this depressedishness that i've been stuck with randomly.
i'm not always like this.
i have months of happiness.
and i have months of nonhappiness.
feeling like theres something wrong with me for not being happy.
for not smiling all the time.
for not being the cheerful always laughing smiling person i was 2 years ago.
but i'm not the same person.
i catch myself sitting around, not smiling, just sitting there. and i wonder, is there a good reason for this? i didn't used to be like this. i laugh. i have fun. i make it thru the day.
but, theres an emptiness in me.
a space longing for something, anything to fill it.
and i don't know what!
i've lost my faith in life.
i don't have time to step back and redefine myself.
i don't have time for anything.
yet i sit here typing my confusion.
i should be doing other things. things that actually matter.
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