how do i live?

i feel like i'm suffocating at home. there is no room for me to be myself, because if i am then i'm immediately ridiculed or someone gets mad. i have to be a completely different person at home, and even then i'm not accepted. i thought the point of home was a place where you could be yourself and not worry about people making fun of you or hating you for who you were. but instead, the only people who actually accept me and love me for the real me are my friends. i want out of my house. but i know leaving would kill my dad. and i can't hurt him like that. i almost left last nite, but everythings so complicated. if i leave, i'd be taking the car which is how rose gets to school. if someone came and got me, i'd have no car. i need a job. but if i get a job my moms gunna make me spend the time i'm not working with family. which leaves no time for homework. she's already only giving me the time when i should be sleeping to do homework. i have to watch the kids when i'm not at school so she can sleep. and last nite was so ridiculous. i seriously could not believe what happened. anna decided to be a selfish bitch last nite and tell me to move to a different seat because she didn't want me where i was. and i was like "uh no, u need a better reason then that." and she was like "ur so selfish, no wonder everyone hates you." and i got a lil pissed and i said "well maybe if u'd think about someone other then urself..." and my mom got up and said, "ur such a selfish brat, what do u mean she needs to think about someone other then herself? thats all she does, your the one who only thinks about urself! why don't u move?" and i was like omg u have to be kidding me, she wants me to move just cuz she doesn't want me there. and my mom tried to slap me and i just ran upstairs, she came up to talk and i left the house. and walked. barefoot. came back and left with my dad. and went to sleep when i got home. i don't know how i'm gunna get through living there. my mom told me last nite that if anna gets mad at me its my fault, because she doesn't get mad without being provoked. and of course i'm always trying to make her get mad at me so i can get her in trouble. and arguing with her doesn't do any good because she's been watching it happen for 14 years. and she won't believe that i know what i'm doing and its definitely not trying to make people mad at me. al;sdkfj;aldfjk. i don't understand how she can do this. but i don't care. i have lost any respect i had for my mother. and i dont think i can stay if she does it again. i need to be able to live, not just survive. and home just isn't letting that happen. theres no room to experiment and find out who i am, because if i'm not exactly who my mom thinks i should be then i get yelled at and i'm going to hell. and thats all there is to it.