hmm.
i'm not quite sure what i want to write about, because the thoughts aren't really making sense in my head. but, i'm gunna write anyways.
life is full of ups and downs.
thats normal. anyone, no matter how old, has good days and bad days. and even days that are a mix of both.
i do my best to make other peoples bad days better. not sure how well i succeed, but i try. but when it comes to my bad days, the really bad ones, i hide it when i'm around people who know me. but alone, i just sit and think. or try not to think. all the things in my life i hate. the people who have hurt me and don't seem to care, or accept that they actually hurt me. the stupid people who hurt my friends. basically, i think about stupid people, which doesn't rly help my mood. on the only moderately bad days, i can hide it from myself, and just say i need to be happy for other people, and i'm usually ok.
on my good days, its hard to connect with the people who are having not so good days. so if i seem non-sympathetic (not sure what the word really is, but that one works) its just cuz i don't wanna kill my good mood. and i tend to adopt other people emotions, so if your hurt, i hurt.
and i honestly have no idea why i'm writing this. like, i can't even explain my thought process here.
but lately i've been confused by people. stupid people, of course.
and my moms been bugging me. more then usual. which happens every so often.
i've also discovered i like kids. i really do. just not when they never leave me alone to have my own space and time to do my own things. its really annoying.
which is why i will never have kids of my own. never. ever. i do NOT want them. i'll babysit other ppls kids. but i don't have the patience to take care of them 24/7. and by the time they're old enough to leave me alone theyd be in school...so whats the point? besides, i'll have more then enough nieces and nephews...hahaha.
is it a crime to not want my own kids? i don't think so....but my mom and anna would tell me differently.
but what makes them always right, and my opinion always wrong?
oh well.
i guess i'll never know.
I don't think there's any shame in not wanting kids. I don't even like other people's kids. I mean, I do like them, it's not fair to say I don't like them. But I don't even like to babysit for more than a couple hours. I just don't like it. But I think that as we get older, a lot of things change. Whether or not my (or your) desire for children will be one of those things that changes, I don't know. But it might be. And if it doesn't, oh well! Everyone is called to a different journey. Maybe yours doesn't include kids. And maybe it does.
ReplyDeleteIf it does, then I know you WILL want your kids. The way that I've heard it, mostly from my mom but from other mothers as well, from the moment you hear that child's heartbeat you fall in love. And at that point, it's not a child. It's not a baby. It's not some kid. It is a person that you love, and you can't help but love it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with wanting kids, but if that ever happens for you, I think that you WILL want them.
I hope that made some sort of sense. Also I love you.